How do we manage our fear?
Learning. Eva’s a hard worker. In Quill Point she must come to terms with who she is rather than what she does. How does she define herself without “doing?” You remember, she’s just recovered from ulcers, so this is a serious question because doing too much affects her health.
As I write, I ask myself the same question: Who am I without doing? Unless I’m physically exhausted and cannot “do” one more thing (and by this time I’m cranky) I simply go. I wonder if farming families have their pause buttons stripped out of them. No, that’s not right. I remember growing up and taking time to read, write in my journal, take walks, play cards, listen to music. What’s different now that I don’t take regular breaks?
Up early to help Serena manage her pain, breakfast with Liv, onto dishes, vacuuming, meals, the dog–all my activities blend into motion upon motion. I did stop to taste my grilled blueberry muffin at Deb’s Place, the small cafe Liv and I frequent Saturday mornings, and I stopped for lunch to make and eat a healthy green salad with pieces of roast chicken, black olives, and tons of cut up veggies. I’m stopping now, to write this blog.
And I’m taking my mom to church later on this afternoon, so that’s definite stopping. You, know, I guess I’m not so bad off. I manage to do a lot, but I manage to stop and rest too. Perhaps I’ve been misrepresenting my reality. There is enough. There’s enough time, enough love, enough of everything to balance each day. It’s my fear that makes it seem like I’ll run out. Lose steam. Die on the track.
So the question for Eva and for me becomes this: How do we manage our fear? How do you manage yours? Check back next week for another segment of Finding Home.