Finding Home

How do we manage our fear?

Learning. Eva’s a hard worker. In Quill Point she must come to terms with who she is rather than what she does. How does she define herself without “doing?” You remember, she’s just recovered from ulcers, so this is a serious question because doing too much affects her health.

As I write, I ask myself the same question: Who am I without doing? Unless I’m physically exhausted and cannot “do” one more thing (and by this time I’m cranky) I simply go. I wonder if farming families have their pause buttons stripped out of them. No, that’s not right. I remember growing up and taking time to read, write in my journal, take walks, play cards, listen to music. What’s different now that I don’t take regular breaks?

Up early to help Serena manage her pain, breakfast with Liv, onto dishes, vacuuming, meals, the dog–all my activities blend into motion upon motion. I did stop to taste my grilled blueberry muffin at Deb’s Place, the small cafe Liv and I frequent Saturday mornings, and I stopped for lunch to make and eat a healthy green salad with pieces of roast chicken,  black olives, and tons of cut up veggies. I’m stopping now, to write this blog.

And I’m taking my mom to church later on this afternoon, so that’s definite stopping. You, know, I guess I’m not so bad off. I manage to do a lot, but I manage to stop and rest too. Perhaps I’ve been misrepresenting my reality. There is enough. There’s enough time, enough love, enough of everything to balance each day. It’s my fear that makes it seem like I’ll run out. Lose steam. Die on the track.serenas-sock

So the question for Eva and for me becomes this: How do we manage our fear? How do you manage yours? Check back next week for another segment of Finding Home.





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4 thoughts on “How do we manage our fear?

  1. Corlies Delf on said:

    How do we manage our fear? Our sense of shortage? I’ll be repeating this in my head for awhile, thanks to you, Lisa: “There’s enough time, enough love, enough of everything to balance each day.” Also, I pay close attention to any little moment when I feel relaxed, suspended in time, free to wander around looking at things in the yard. And I Schedule some of the relaxing things I value: singing, just Being with the children and others I hold most dear, sewing. One more thing, which I’m sure we all appreciate … There’s nothing quite like the first minutes of the morning, before a dozen projects start calling to us, for a little reading and reflecting. If I get a morning like that once or twice a week, it feels wonderful!

    • What a thoughtful comment. I’ve always wanted to be the woman who gets up early for some quiet time. I’ve got the comfy chair, the nice tea cup, PG Tips–it’s the rising from the bed that’s got me challenged…

  2. I too am moved to comment. Your right sometime the busy is what drives us, but it isn’t necessarily what defines us. You know I don’t have the same fear that you do, but what i do have is forgiveness, and I do wonder how this works into everything you’ve brought up? I forgive myself each day for doing what I can and taking time to refresh myself in whatever way seems good at the time. It’s a little more living in the moment and forgiving myself for having to let some things go, even if I would rather not. Sometimes it’s about forgiving myself for being what other people would call “lazy.” But for me it’s just about managing the overwhelm. Fear doesn’t drive me or stop me from doing, but acceptance of myself and my abilities and limitations allows me to forgive myself for not being the “perfect” that my mind would like me to be and lets me be happy with the me that I am. Does that make any sense…thank you for always inspiring me take a moment to think about these big thoughts…it’s always nice to share.

    • Amanda, thank you as well for such a thoughtful post. I think you’ve got it just right. I’ve never stopped to forgive myself for whoever I was during the day. I see now that at the end of the day, when all the doing is done or not done, when either I’ve lightened or darkened the doors of others, it’s indeed time to forgive myself, and not just at the end, but during. Thank you.

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