Fear of everything!
This morning I did everything I could to stall. I was suffering from fear of posting–I suppose there’s a Latin expression to go with it by now. And while we’re at it, I am suffering from fear of marketing a book also. Anybody know what that is in Latin? But since I’m posting for the first time in my new office, with my husband’s grandmother’s old round table tucked into the corner and two windows flanking me, there is no prettier place to be phobic.
A note about my office–it’s painted a lovely green with white trim, accented with antique but useful and dignified furniture, and the only left to make it perfect for me is to hang a few paintings and figure out how to make my new to me two drawer file cabinet fit in the feng shui of it all. My neighbor who found it for me gave me a page of ideas on how I could transform it. Did I tell you that I have fear of fine art making too? What I’m hoping for is that my very artsy husband and daughters will swoop it away and transform it and then tuck it back in its place for me to discover and ooh aah over it. As Katherine Paterson wrote in Lydie, “one can always hope!” She actually said “hop” but I took liberties.
There will have to be bird feeders out each window. I’ve pilfered my husband’s Birds of North America book in anticipation of late fall, when we’ll set the feeders up and fill them. Right now, our parakeets are interacting with the robins outside my open windows. The windows were always closed before, so they never had anyone to talk with except each other. I’m happy to say that I’m not afraid of birds.
Regarding book news, I am carefully and methodically reading every word aloud in my latest manuscript of Raising Evangeline. I must ensure that I’ve done everything I can to catch every error, correct every disruption in flow. I’m half way through. Once I’m done, it goes off to Production, and the next time I see it will be when I get the physical book in my hands. So this step is essential. It’s the equivalent of patting someone on the back, saying, “Well done!” and giving my blessing.
But the thing is, once I submit it, then the scary part comes. I have to sell the book, and Peace Cottage along with it, as the second one won’t make much sense without the first. Currently I’m paralyzed on how to do this. Other authors zip along with social media, work Amazon and Goodreads and attend conferences. And that’s all within my reach. But there’s so much and I feel so behind that I literally don’t know where to start. It’s that feeling of having a thousand emails in your inbox. Fear.
But I can put it off for another week, surely, at least until I’ve sent my manuscript. And hung my art.